


I, Too

by x_ziv07



Series: tmsy stuff [1]
Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Character Study, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-27 13:44:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18740236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/x_ziv07/pseuds/x_ziv07
Summary: After a certain conversation with Saya's mother, Tomoe reflects over her relationship with Saya.How maybe the real reason why she felt like was drifting away from Saya wasn’t just because of how busy they were. Maybe it was a consequence of Saya’s own kindness.Takes place after the second season of Bang Dream and post-episode 8 of PICO mini-series.





	I, Too

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, um, okay. This is a pretty unexpected piece, especially the length, like wow. And if I'm being completely honest, I originally didn't have much interest in Bandori. But I fell in love with Saya so hard that it just kept me coming back. Then this ship happened and asdfghjkl;  
> I freaking love TomoSaaya and why is Saya so perfect i'm dyinggg

“Ahh,” Tomoe hummed, stretching her arms up in the air. “That really hit the spot!”

Beside her, Saya giggled. “It’s been a while since I last ate ramen. I forgot how filling it can be!”

Tomoe rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly, “Yeah, sorry about that. Who would’ve known that the waitress was gonna get everyone’s order wrong.”

Ako’s eyes fell to floor guiltily. “Sorry, Saya-chan, Onee-chan. If I hadn’t said anything, the waitress wouldn’t have gotten our orders mixed up.”

It was rather late in the afternoon when Tomoe, Saya, and Ako left the family restaurant after having their drummers’ meeting with the other bands to discuss their next combined live event at CiRCLE. Tomoe made the off-hand comment about eating ramen, which somehow managed to result in everyone at their table being served ramen instead of their original orders.

Tomoe reached out to ruffle Ako’s hair, a natural reflex that Tomoe acquired over the years, “Hey, don’t worry about it. You did nothing wrong. It was an honest mistake.”

“Tomoe’s right.” Saya gave Ako a reassuring pat on the back, “Besides, Kanon-senpai and Maya-senpai really liked the food anyway. So, it’s all good!”

Ako looked at the both of them expectantly. “...Really?”

“Yeah!” Tomoe affirmed at the same time Saya said, “Of course!”

That did the trick. Ako was back to grinning as brightly as the sun, as she always should be, and the sight brought a small smile onto Tomoe’s face. “C’mon then, little sis. It’s getting dark and I think you got some homework to start.”

“Oh, wait!” Saya sauntered ahead forward with her arms crossed behind her back as they approached Yamabuki Bakery. “Before you leave, let me get you two some of our leftover bread!”

“You don’t have to,” Tomoe started but the defiant look on Saya’s look was enough for her to tell that Saya wasn’t taking “no” for an answer tonight.

“Nuh-uh,” Saya wagged her finger disapprovingly, “I’m doing this is a thank-you gift. For you, Tomoe, for helping me take of Sana and Jun last weekend. And for Ako, for giving PoPiPa some tickets to watch Roselia in action. Kasumi was ecstatic.” With that, Saya ran back inside the bakery and returned just as quickly with a small brown bag in hand. “Here you go! My treat.”

“Thanks again, Saya,” Tomoe chuckled as Ako excitedly snatched the bag from the brunette’s arms, impatiently sneaking a peek into its contents.

“It’s no problem at all. If anything, I feel like I should be thanking you, Tomoe. For a lot of things,” Saya said. “And, I guess you can also take this as my way of bribing you.”

“A bribe? For what?”

There was a mysterious glint in Saya’s eyes. Suddenly, she stepped forward towards Tomoe, her hand moving to smooth Tomoe’s collar and then sliding it down to her upper arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake. “PoPiPa has a mini-show right before our joint concert. Kasumi was thinking about using it as a chance to straighten out some of the bumps we ran into with one of new songs before the big event. Marina-san already agreed to the idea too. I personally would like to have another ear around for the extra feedback. What do you say?”

“Oh! A-ah,” Tomoe stammered, clearing her throat loudly when Saya gave her arm a light squeeze, “Y-yeah, yeah! I’ll be there!”

“Great!” Saya grinned at her in satisfaction, drawing her hand away. “I’ll send you the tickets once we get things confirmed. Feel free to invite Ran-san and the others too.”

Tomoe unconsciously touched the spot when Saya’s hand had rested, grateful that the darkness was already settling in, so no one could see the red growing furiously on her cheeks.

“I’ll see you later then!” Saya waved her farewells to Ako and Tomoe before disappearing back into her house.

On the way back to the Udagawa household, Tomoe had to strain to pay attention to Ako’s enthusiastic ramblings about one of her recent gaming raids that she had played with Rinko, mind still numb. The first thing she did when she entered through the front door was to march straight into her room and throw herself face-first into her bed, the inexorable flutter in her stomach only amplifying the more she replayed the scene in her head.

She had known Saya and her family for years, ever since they moved into the shopping district. It didn't take very long for Yamabuki Bakery to become a staple in the district. Likewise, Saya quickly became friends with the other girls that lived around the neighborhood, including Tomoe, Ako, Hagumi, and Tsugumi.

But as fun as it was to be with them, Tomoe, and to her initial surprise, Tsugumi, found themselves drifting more and more towards Ran, Himari, and Moca—partly because they were all the same age and were practically in the same classes for as long as any of them could remember. There was just this strange magnetism that always drew Tomoe back to their little group of misfits, which they would eventually call themselves as "Afterglow".

Afterglow rooted themselves so deeply in Tomoe's life to the point that she couldn't imagine a future without any of them in it.

A part of her occasionally entertained the idea of Saya attending Haneoka with her. Would she have become a part of Afterglow with the rest of them? With her personality, there was no doubt that she would have been welcomed in with open arms.

But then again, Saya was also a drummer. If she had gone to the same middle school with Tomoe, then she probably wouldn’t have been able to join Afterglow after all, since, well, bands couldn’t have two drummers at the same time.

And then, Saya may not have been able to join CHiSPA.

Tomoe couldn’t forget the unabashed smile that lit up Saya’s face when she had rushed over to Tomoe’s home to tell her that she joined a band. They spent the rest of that day excitedly discussing all the things they could plan together with Afterglow and CHiSPA.

So when Tomoe found out from Saya’s mother that Saya had left her band, she couldn’t believe it at first.

She remembered walking into the bakery to pick up some snacks before band practice— specifically for Moca, who was instantly hooked ever since she bought her first pastry years ago. Saya greeted her from the register as soon as she walked in, but there was a lingering sadness behind her sapphire eyes. Her smile, which was usually so warm and radiant, seemed almost forced. Before Tomoe had a chance to ask what was wrong, Saya hurriedly excused herself and rushed back into the kitchen at the sounds of her little brother’s cries.

Saya’s mother replaced her daughter’s place at the register as Tomoe went to pay, lips curved into the beginnings of a frown.

Tomoe slipped the change from her purchase into her pocket, furrowing her brows in concern. “Hey, um, auntie? Are you okay? Did… did something happen?” she asked hesitantly.

Saya’s mother smiled gently at her but it didn’t do anything to hide the concern in her eyes. Then she shook her head, going on to recount how she was recently admitted into the hospital again. After being acquainted with the Yamabukis for so long, Tomoe was well aware about the older woman’s recurring health issues. 

After her mother's recent relapse, Saya was running herself ragged between all her responsibilities with the upcoming school festival preparations, band practice, and looking after the bakery and her siblings.

Eventually, it had all came to a head, ending catastrophically with Saya choosing to quit her band to prioritize spending more time at home.

But what really struck Tomoe was that Saya _never_ even mentioned any of it to her at all. They were practically childhood friends, had each other’s cell phone number so that they could talk at any time, and Tomoe thought she visited the bakery fairly often enough to at least be somewhat aware about Saya’s family. Yet they were so busy with their own lives that they couldn’t even spare a second to sit down and check up on each other.

Since when had they grown to be so distant?

Tomoe still remembered the strangely forlorn expression on Saya’s mother’s when she glanced behind her shoulder to see Saya crouched down on the kitchen floor, tenderly wiping away Jun’s tears and bringing him and Sana into a tight embrace.

“Saya’s a great girl!” Tomoe piped up, flashing a wide grin to Saya’s mother in hopes that it would help cheer her up. “She really does love her family to bits. Jun and Sana are really lucky to have a such a cool big sis around.” Unsure on what to say next, she sloppily added, “I’m sure that she has her own reasons for all the stuff that happened.”

The older woman crinkled her eyes at Tomoe and her expression softened. “Saya-chan is such a wonderful daughter. She works so hard to help me and her father. And she’s so kind to Jun and Sana that I couldn’t ask for more.” Then she frowned again. “I just wish that she would spare some of that kindness for herself too.”

“Auntie?”

“Say, Tomoe-chan? Can I ask you for a favor?”

Saya’s mother asked her so quietly that it caught Tomoe off guard. There was an unusually serious tremor in her voice, confusing her. “Uh, yeah. What is it?”

Saya’s mother gingerly took Tomoe’s hand, holding them in a loose clasp. “Saya-chan, she’s… She’s always so hard on herself that sometimes, I get worried about her. This might sound a bit strange, but may I trouble you to check in her once in a while?”

Tomoe returned the gesture passionately. “Wha—Yeah! Yeah, of course! Saya’s been a real good friend to me! If there’s anything I can do for you or for Saya, just name it!”

Saya’s mother gave her a small smile, offering her pinky to Tomoe, who easily did the same.

It was a promise that only the two of them knew.

But in the coming days to follow, Tomoe was baffled with what it entailed.

She knew there was something up between Saya and her band. But Tomoe never did get the chance to ask her more about it beyond what Saya’s mother told her, or why she did what she did, nor did she think it was appropriate for her to pry.

And then, much to Tomoe’s surprise, Saya also stopped playing the drums! Even more shocking was her adamant refusal to pick up her drumsticks again.

With Tomoe and Ako both being drummers themselves, it was hard not to bring up music during the conversations that they had with Saya. It was clear that it was a topic that she was uncomfortable with, to the point that Tomoe and Ako consciously tried not to talk too much about it.

There was no use in trying to force it out of her either, so Tomoe opted to do what she always done in the past.

Support her, cherish her, and to be at her side whenever Saya needed her to be.

With time, the shine eventually returned to her smile yet there was something about it that looked a little… off.

It wouldn’t be until Saya joined Poppin’ Party in high school that she would regain that lost shine.

Nowadays, Saya was brimming with so much energy and joy that couldn’t have been possible if it weren’t for Kasumi bringing music back into her life. It was also thanks to Kasumi and the rest of Poppin’ Party that Tomoe would also have more opportunities to see Saya outside of the bakery.

The immense amount of planning and prep that went behind every joint concert consequently meant that all the bands that were involved were required to spend some degree of time together, much to Tomoe’s delight.

Then in a blink of an eye, they were second-years. But after spending the last several months being around Saya, Tomoe could no longer ignore the indescribable feelings that stirred within her the more that they interacted. When they were younger, Tomoe could easily describe the joy that she felt playing with Ako and the girls of the shopping district and that special little flutter in her chest whenever Saya, back when they were still the same height, flashed her a bright, toothy grin that Tomoe would return with one of her own.

Tomoe still had that same fluttering in her chest whenever she was with Saya, but it definitely felt strangely different that before. And for the life of her, Tomoe could not figure out what it was.

As Ran would say, Saya was the same as she always had been ever since Tomoe first met her and her family years ago—warm, friendly, self-assured, reliable. She was certainly the most responsible one in Poppin’ Party, a role that Tomoe was quite familiar with in Afterglow.

That particular side of Saya was especially true in regard to her family. If she wasn’t busy with the band or school activities, then she was throwing herself headfirst into her work at bakery or buzzing around to look after her siblings. Saya was just so caring, had so much love in her heart, almost to a fault.

As much as Tomoe prided herself in being a very candid person, who was never afraid to throw her two cents on the table, there were still a couple of things that she felt the need to hold back on. That was just part of the job of being the resident big sister. Everyone was relying on her to be the strong one, the responsible one, and Tomoe couldn’t betray that expectation. An expectation that Tomoe knew that Saya carried over her head too.

It would take a whole lot of teeth-pulling and prodding, but Tomoe knew she could count on Afterglow to have her back whenever she was too stubborn to ask for help. They always had her back the same way she had theirs.

But what about Saya?

She always put her family first, no matter what, and that meant never wanting to trouble them with any of her own problems. Saya was always gladly taking on more burdens than her shoulders could carry, without complaint. So Tomoe was glad to hear that she opened up to the girls in Poppin’ Party.

And with the promise that Tomoe made with Saya’s mom, Tomoe resolved to look out for Saya as often as she could. After all, fellow big sisters gotta stick together, right?

Tomoe did her best to visit the bakery more often (usually with Moca in tow), trying to find more chances to stay next to her whenever the bands met up in CiRCLE during joint practices, and inviting her out more often. It was something that she figured would be a good way to discreetly show to Saya that Tomoe would be there to support her, if needed.

Ako was always been a smart cookie, catching on surprisingly fast to Tomoe’s supposedly subtle attempts to steal glances at Saya whenever they were in the same proximity. They were sisters after all, and that meant that they also shared the same kind of straightforward and direct personality that characterized the Udagawa family.

“Say, Onee-chan,” Ako began one day while they were walking home together after school, “did something happen between you and Saya-chan?” Ako looked at her with her wide, curious eyes as they walked.

It was innocent enough question.

“No, nothing at all,” Tomoe answered easily. “Why do you ask?”

Ako only shrugged slightly. Tomoe could tell by the way her brows furrowed and how her lips curved into that cute little pout that she always made when she was grasping for the right words to say next. “Ako, what’s up?”

“Onee-chan, are you… interested in Saya-chan?”

Tomoe blinked. “Uh, yeah?”

Ako simply stared back at her as if she was expecting a different answer and Tomoe suddenly felt the need to add more context. “Well, y’know. I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately and how we don’t get to see each other too often outside band stuff. So I thought it’d be cool to check up on her more often.”

“O-oh, okay.” Realization seemed to dawn in Ako’s eyes. Then she beamed so brightly that Tomoe had her hand reaching into her pockets to pull out her nonexistent sunglasses. “Right, okay! If that’s what Onee-chan wants, then I’ll support you all the way!”

Support? Tomoe wasn’t quite sure what that meant or Ako’s sudden enthusiasm. “...Thanks?”

Ako nodded furiously to herself in approval. “Saya-chan, huh? Saya-chan is super nice and is really pretty too. And her family makes the best bread! Oh! Does that mean we can get free bread from her now?”

Now Tomoe was thoroughly confused by her sister’s outburst. “I dunno where you got the ‘free bread’ idea from, but yeah, Saya is pretty great, isn’t she!”

“Aw darn. I was hoping that we’d get more bread, so I can share it with Rin-Rin and Roselia. So, you have you told her yet?”

“Hm? What told her what?”

“Like, have you asked her out yet?”

Tomoe could feel the growing sense that maybe they were talking about two very different things. “‘Asked her out’?” she repeated.

“Eh?” Ako said blankly. “You haven’t asked her out on a date yet?”

“W-what?” Tomoe sputtered, feeling her face starting to burn. “I-I wasn’t—Wait, what? A date? I mean—why, where did you get that from?”  

“You said that you were interested in Saya-chan! So that must mean that you _like_ like her, right?”

“Yeah, wait, no—I mean that I do like her a lot but, uh, not _like_ in that way!”

Now Tomoe wasn’t even making coherent sense anymore. It didn’t help that Ako was also staring at her with confusion clearly painted on her face, unconvinced. Luckily, Ako dropped the subject once they entered their house but by then, Tomoe was reduced to a panicking mess on the inside.

Wasn’t it normal for friends to look out for one another? With Saya always so busy taking care of everyone around her, someone needed to do the same for her in return. If someone needed to step to the plate, then Tomoe was more than happy to do it.

But as the days grew into weeks, Tomoe couldn’t stop thinking about what Ako had said. It had reached the point where Tomoe could not help but notice all the little things that Saya did—and it started to drive Tomoe a little crazy.

In the bakery, Saya radiated a warmth that never failed to catch Tomoe’s attention, as if she was the sun and Tomoe was constantly being swept up in her gravity. There was a certain tenderness in her voice that she reserved when she spoke about her family, particularly with Sana and Jun, because Tomoe recognized it as the same tone that her own voice took on when she talked about Ako to anyone that would listen. Her bright and airy laughs never failed to make Tomoe’s heart stutter at the sound.

Eventually, Tomoe’s thoughts began to shift into something that she wasn’t sure what to make of them anymore. Whatever it was that was stirring those strange feelings within her never seemed to go away, even as the weeks passed by.

The day that she finally managed to make any sense of them just so happened to be one of the days that it was Saya’s turn to help her dad with the first batches of bread in the morning.

Ako seemed to have conveniently developed have more frequent cravings for the Yamabuki’s homemade bread ever since their last conversation that Tomoe didn’t doubt for a second how intentional it seemed. But when Ako asked Tomoe to pick up some snacks for her to munch on during one her online gaming raids with Rinko later that night, Tomoe was happy to oblige regardless.

Being the good big sister that she was, Tomoe made sure to restrict Ako’s gaming times so that it wouldn’t become too much of a distraction to her studies. This time around, Tomoe readily agreed to congratulate her little sis on a job well done during Roselia’s last live performance earlier that week.

Thankfully, Ako’s newfound cravings weren’t as monstrously large as Moca’s, so it wasn’t like she was going to be hauling bags full of bread back to their house.

It also gave her another excuse to see Saya again.

When Tomoe entered the bakery, Saya had just finished refilling one of the display racks with a tray full of melon bread.

“Oh, Tomoe! You’re here! Welcome!”

“Mornin’ Saya! I’m back!”

Saya placed the empty tray on the counter, wiping her hands on a small kitchen towel hanging on her apron’s oversized front pocket. “What can I get for you today?”

“Some coronets for Ako. She’s got a long night ahead of her and she could use the fuel for later,” Tomoe said before quickly adding, “Oh, throw in a pair of yakisoba bread for me too.”

Saya laughed, the same one that made Tomoe’s breath hitch at the sound. “We actually ran out of coronets not too long ago thanks to a certain someone. But you came just at the right time! I was just about to whip up a new batch and they’ll be fresh out of the oven, if you’re willing to wait.”

Tomoe flashed a grin at her. “Man, today must be my lucky day if I get to eat the bread that you baked!”

Saya motioned to kitchen behind the register with a grand sweeping motion. “Would you like to watch? I’d be more than happy to let you get in on this backstage pass, just this once.”

It was an offer than Tomoe couldn’t refuse. Saya escorted her into the kitchen, switching places with her father, who gave Tomoe a friendly wave as he swapped out his flour-dusted apron with a clean one.

“My dad wanted to take a quick break anyway,” Saya grinned. “Once my mom comes back from her errands, he’ll be back in the kitchen. But he’s letting me get some practice in today. I’m meeting with PoPiPa later and I wanted to bring them something to eat, so this works out!”

Tomoe watched as Saya dusted the large kitchen island with a light coating of flour and started to skillfully knead a batch of dough. “Heh, it must be real nice to have someone as thoughtful as you around. You’d think Moca would be more willing to share all the bread that she buys ever but her appetite is insane.”

“Oh, I know all about that,” Saya chuckled as she wrapped thin logs of dough around the cone-shaped molds. “To be completely honest though, it does make me happy to see someone enjoy the bread that my family makes so much.”

They easily fell into idle conversation. Their topics ranged from the current and upcoming events at school, the kind of chaos that can erupt in their households when they lived with such energetic siblings constantly running around, and ultimately, their respective bands.

“Right? And that’s when Kasumi went to Arisa and—”

“You should’ve seen the look on Ran’s face—”

They shared lopsided grins with each other before bursting into a fit of laughter.

There was always something about Saya that always managed to put Tomoe at ease, different to what she felt with Afterglow.

She built a lifetime’s worth of memories and love with Afterglow, and Tomoe was absolutely certain that they’d continue to be her crazy, impulsive group of misfits for the rest of her life. Afterglow was her family, and Tomoe was like everyone’s big sister, even though she was technically not the oldest out the five of them.

Everyone was counting on her to be the responsible one, the one to hold things together when it all fell apart. So when it came to Afterglow, Ako, and even the people around the district, Tomoe worked hard to keep up that impression.

The same applied just as equally to Saya, who was just as busy working behind the scenes like an acrobat performing a balancing act on a tightrope.

It was because of that, among many other things, that allowed Tomoe to actually drop her guard while she was around Saya.

When Saya finished filling out her last batch of coronets with a thick chocolate custard, she smiled. Tomoe shifted, feeling that same strange, but not unwelcome flutter return to the pit of her stomach.

“Okay, here we go! An order of yakisoba bread and one order of freshly-made chocolate coronets,” Saya said, putting the bread into small brown bag, “I’ll throw in an extra coronet for you and Ako for making you wait.”

“Maybe I should catch you while you’re baking more often,” Tomoe replied as she handed Saya her payment, doing her best to ignore the peculiar pounding in her chest. “Getting to spend time with you and being able to eat the bread you made at the same time is like a dream come true!”

Tomoe waited for Saya to return with a playful quip, a normal occurrence during their little banters with each other. Instead, she found Saya fidgeting with the ends of her apron with traces of pink sprinkled on her cheeks. Saya bashfully raised a hand to the bottom half of her face and mumbled, “You know, I actually really like spending more time together too.”

Her blue eyes flickered uncertainly at Tomoe, catching her by surprise.

A odd warmth bloomed across Tomoe’s face.

“...Oh.” Suddenly finding the ceiling as incredibly fascinating, Tomoe jerked her head to the side, her hand coming to her face in a poor attempt to cover her own reddening cheeks. Was she blushing? W-why was she blushing?

Saya abruptly cleared her throat. “A-anyway, Tomoe. I’ll been seeing you again soon, right?”

“O-oh, yeah!” Tomoe coughed into her fist, willing her blush down. “I’ll be back here again real soon!”

Saya’s expression softened as she reached over the counter to hand Tomoe her extra change. Their hands brushed, and Tomoe could swear that Saya’s fingertips curled slightly into hers before she pulled back.

The fluttering in Tomoe’s stomach suddenly intensified and her throat tightened.

“So… I’ll be seeing you tomorrow then?” Saya asked, uncharacteristically shy but the hints of smile were tugging at the corners of her lips.

Tomoe sucked a sharp breath. Nothing in the world could have prepared her of _that_.

The settling afternoon sun that was filtering through the windows had cast the entire interior of the store with a soft, golden glow. The light seemed to swirl around Saya, framing her face perfectly and illuminating the pink dusting over her cheeks so beautifully that it knocked the air right out Tomoe’s lungs.

Her heart was pounding a beat that was too fast, too loud, much like the thrill she felt after finishing an intense band session with Afterglow. All her thoughts were consumed by Saya.

How beautiful she was. How Saya was so amazing, wonderful, kind, and so many other things.

It was at that moment that Tomoe realized what she was feeling for the last couple of weeks.

_I like her._

The words repeated over and over in her head like a desperate mantra.

She liked—no, she was in love with Yamabuki Saya.

“Yeah,” Tomoe managed out, knees feeling weak, “I’ll… see you tomorrow.”

* * *

Of course, it didn’t take very long after Tomoe’s startling realization for Ran and the others to find out.

They ended rehearsal at CiRCLE early and Moca insisted they all go to the Yamabuki’s to pick up some bread before they headed to Hazawa Cafe to hang out.

“Welcome!” Saya greeted when the group entered through the door. “Hey, Moca! Tomoe, and everyone too!”

Over the years of being with Tomoe and Tsugumi as part of the shopping district girls and with Moca being Yamabuki Bakery’s self-proclaimed number one fan, Saya was already well-acquainted with Himari and Ran. While she wasn’t as close the rest of Afterglow like Tomoe was, it was nice for Tomoe to see them be so friendly with each other.

“Sayaaa,” Moca drawled out. While it didn’t sound overtly like it, it was Moca’s way of a friendly greeting. “Do you still have more bread?”

Saya grabbed an empty tray and a pair of tongs. “I had a feeling you would come by again today. We’re down to our last ones. I can get them ready for you if give me a second. Is there anything in particular that you were looking for?” she asked.

“Then… everything, please!”

Tomoe let out a small exasperated sigh, hearing the others behind her do the same.

Saya was seemingly unbothered with being swept up Moca’s pace. “Sure thing! It’s the last of our stock anyway, so you can be our final customer before we close up.”

“But Saya, Moca-chan thinks you’re forgetting something. I wanted _everything._ ”

“Hm? Was there anything else that you wanted?”  

Moca waggled her eyebrows, giving Saya a lazy wink. “Moca-chan wants to take Saya home tonight!”

Tomoe choked.

Saya laughed amiably as she headed away from the register to the leftover bread out on the display racks. “Sorry, but I don’t think I’m up for sale. And I don’t think my parents would appreciate that too much.”

“Oh, that’s too bad. Moca-chan wanted to take Saya home so she can bake fresh bread every morning.” Moca said, leaning across the counter to prop her head up her hands.

“Don’t you come by the bakery every day anyway?” Saya called back as she deftly maneuvered around the store.

Feeling slightly irked, Tomoe moved forward to pull Moca off the counter by her hood. “C’mon, Moca. That’s bad manners.”

“Oh-ho, it’s Tomo-chin.” A mischievous grin made its way onto the guitarist’s face. She twisted her body to drape her arms around the taller girl’s neck. “Are you jealous that Saya is giving me more attention today? Or maybe... Tomo-chin wanted to take Saya home instead?”

“W-what?” Tomoe stammered, slightly alarmed. Despite herself, images flashed through her head of Saya in that breathtaking wedding dress. It _would_ be very nice to wake up in the morning to the delectable smell of freshly baked bread and to Saya, so beautiful and lovely, greeting her warmly and—

“N-No!” Tomoe exclaimed, desperately trying to scatter the invading thoughts before any of them slipped out of her mouth on accident, “Saya isn’t—w-wait, I mean, uh, I’m not—”

Moca’s eyebrows shot up sky-high at her bumbling. Tomoe could feel her face beginning to warm up.

Then Tomoe frantically glanced around her, jaw agape, and catching the same confused looks on Ran, Himari, and Tsugumi’s faces.

She slowly turned back to face Moca, who was now sporting a terrible smirk and eyes glinting with a familiar mischief that sent chills running up and down Tomoe’s spine.

Saya returned to the register with a large brown bag, staring at Tomoe with amusement sparkling in her eyes. If she heard what Moca said, she didn’t show it. “Hm, Tomoe? What’s up?”

Ran cleared her throat awkwardly, taking the initiative to tug Moca off Tomoe. “Hey, hurry up and pay already. Yamabuki-san is waiting.”

“Oh, yeah,” Moca moved towards the register again where Saya was but not without flashing Tomoe a knowing look. After she made the purchase, she paused.

“Hmm... Tsugu, Tsuguuuu! Come here,” Moca said, gesturing for her to come closer. Himari and Tsugumi exchanged worried expressions with each other before Tsugumi hesitantly moved towards Moca.

“Tsugu, hold out your hands.”

“Eh?” Tsugumi squeaked. “Um, okay…”

“Hold this really quick.” Moca shoved her bag of bread into Tsugumi’s arms.

Tomoe watched in growing horror as Moca rounded the corner of the register, almost able to hear the gears churning inside the guitarist’s head.  

She didn’t know what she was expecting when Moca went behind to counter to Saya. She definitely did not expect Moca to practically throw herself into Saya’s arms, eliciting a small, surprised gasp from the brunette's mouth. From the chorus of disapproval that erupted behind Tomoe, she probably wasn’t the only one.

“Sayaaa,” Moca exclaimed dramatically, though it hardly sounded as such when it was coming out of her mouth. “Save Moca-chan, Saya!”

Saya still looked like she had no idea what exactly was going on, but the amusement never left her eyes as she chuckled lightheartedly at Moca’s shenanigans. And to Tomoe’s utter dismay, Saya decided to play along for once, returning Moca’s embrace by loosely encircling her arms around the guitarist’s waist. “Oh? What happened?”

“Ran-chan and Tomo-chin was being mean to poor Moca-chan!”

“Moca!” Never in Tomoe’s life did she want to rip Moca’s infuriating smirk in as much as she did at that moment. The silver-haired guitarist, on the other, seemed to take immense pleasure at Tomoe’s anguish.

Moca nuzzled the crook of Saya’s neck. “Wooow, Saya, you smell really nice. Like vanilla.” She didn’t even bother to hide her snickers when Tomoe visibly bristled.

“Hey, Moca! That tickles!”

But Moca wasn’t letting Tomoe off the hook that easily. “Waah, Tomo-chin’s glaring! Oh-ho, the genius Moca-chan knows why though! Tomo-chin must really be jealous because she li—”

“MOCA!” Ran and Himari exclaimed simultaneously. They rushed forward in an instant to tear Moca away from Saya, immediately cutting her off before she could cause any more damage.

Normally, Tomoe’s hot-headed nature would have already kicked into high gear by now. But the secret was out and it was all Moca’s fault.

 _Moca_. Moca practically outed her to Saya—

Tomoe’s brain short-circuited before she could finish processing the thought, a garbled sound escaping from her lips. Meanwhile, Ran and Himari were both apologizing profusely to Saya for bothering her at work while Tomoe was stuck rooted to the spot, hoping and wishing that she could spontaneously combust and disappear from the face of the earth out of embarrassment.

In Tomoe's petrified state, she didn't even remember what Saya's expression looked like as they left the bakery, or Tsugumi leading her by the arm into Hazawa Cafe, or how Ran and Himari continued to hold Moca in vice-like grips until they were settled into one of the booths.

Tomoe all but crumpled onto the table, head buried in her arms and barely muffling the strangled screeches into the fabric of her jacket.

It would take what felt like another few hours before Tomoe recovered enough to begrudgingly admit that, okay, yes—maybe she did started to like Saya a little more than a friend. And _okay_ , maybe she was jealous.

Ran and Himari exchanged concerned looks. Tsugumi, who had just finished her shift, neatly folded her apron on the back of her chair before taking a seat next to Tomoe.

Moca, still sandwiched between Himari and Ran on both sides of the booth, licked the remainder of chocolate from the last piece of her coronet off her thumb. “Tomo-chin, you should’ve said something earlier that you had thing for Saya. Moca-chan would be more than happy to help you!”

Tomoe released a heavy groan and Ran swatted Moca’s arm. “Moca! Stop that! You’re not doing anything, not after what happened today!”

Tomoe let out a something akin to a garbled screech, slamming her forehead against the table. Tsugumi rubbed reassuring circles on Tomoe’s back. “W-well, I don’t think it went that bad. Saya-chan probably thought it just Moca-chan was playing around again.”

“But, y’know,” Himari sighed dreamily. “Who would’ve thought? You and Saya-san? Now that I think about it, you two definitely suit each other pretty well. She’s a good catch. Good job, Tomoe!”

Tomoe lifted her head slightly off the table just enough to peek at Himari. “R-really? You think so?”

Ran thoughtfully sipped the last drops of her latte. “I think you should go for it.”

“Oooh!” Himari slammed her palms on the table in her excitement. “An unexpected response from Ran!”

A light dusting of pink came onto Ran’s cheeks. “I-I mean, Tomoe likes Yamabuki-san, right? I rather it be her than some stranger. B-besides, Himari’s right. I think she’d be a good match for you, Tomoe.”

“Ah, Moca-chan thinks—”

“Be quiet, Moca.” Ran and Himari said simultaneously and Tomoe had to hide her mouth to prevent a snicker from escaping her lips. It didn’t go unnoticed however.

Tsugumi smiled. “Are you feeling better, Tomoe-chan?”

Honestly, she was. Hearing everyone give their unanimous approval of Tomoe’s newfound feelings towards Saya was actually much more relieving that she originally had expected. “Yeah. Thanks, everyone.”

“So,” Himari stirred the remaining contents of her hot chocolate, spoon clanging noisily against the sides of the mug. “You’re going to tell her, right? I don’t want to hear you backing out after telling us all this.”

“That’s the thing though. I want to… But I haven’t figured how to tell her. Or if I should tell her at all in the first place.”

“Tomo-chin, Tomo-chin,” Moca whispered obnoxiously loud. Ignoring the pointed looks from Ran and Himari, Moca continued, “Moca-chan thinks that you don’t need to worry about it too much.”

“I think I should. After that little stunt you pulled earlier today!”

Moca casually shrugged.

“Anyway, Tomoe,” Ran interrupted. “You should go for it whenever you get the chance. It’s no better time than the present, right? It’s not like you to hold yourself back like this anyway. Just be yourself, the same as always. I’m sure Yamabuki-san would appreciate you being honest with her.”

Tomoe frowned. “Yeah, I know. But what if she doesn’t, uh, y’know...”

Moca hummed, still very obviously happy with herself. “It’ll work out. Watch. Moca-chan is a genius, after all.”

“How can you be so sure?”

Moca simply gave Tomoe another one of her infuriatingly lazy grins that was daring Tomoe to strangle her.

It wasn’t enough to remove the frown on Tomoe’s face. Yet strangely enough, Tomoe found herself trusting in her words a little.

Just a little.

* * *

It took a few days before Tomoe could manage to show her face in Yamabuki Bakery again after that disastrous incident. It was mostly thanks to the support of everyone in Afterglow that helped Tomoe make her resolve.

Finding the right time to actually say it to Saya was the hard part.

It was another one of those times where it seemed that the universe was working against her. Between school, the band, running errands around the district, working at her part-time job, and taiko practice, Tomoe barely had enough time to greet Saya in the mornings when she went back to her nearly daily routine of visiting her at bakery.

Whenever Tomoe did have the time to see her for longer than a few minutes, she was hyper-aware of how her body reacted whenever she was around Saya that it made it hard to form the words coherently. Thankfully, Tomoe somehow wrangled enough composure to always act as convincingly normal as possible. And much to her surprise, it goes fairly well for a while.

Moca, however, thought it would be a great idea to seize every opportunity that she got to tease Tomoe about it. It was probably for the best that Saya wasn’t in the same school as they were. Tomoe didn’t think she could handle the constant teasing knowing that Saya would be around to hear all of it.

When Tsugumi asked about her progress one day, all Tomoe could do was to heave out a heavy sigh.

Tsugumi was quick on the uptake and was equally quick to reassure her. “Don’t worry, Tomoe-chan! You’ll get a chance eventually. It’ll be any day now, I’m sure of it.”

True to Tsugumi’s word, the day arrived much sooner than she expected.

Ako had left the house early one morning, mentioning that she was going out to hang out with Rinko and Lisa before dashing outside.

It was rather fine day that it would have been a waste to laze around indoors. It was also on the rare occasions where Tomoe happened to be free for the entire day.

But as luck would have it, Ran called off practice for the day since everyone already had something else planned. That was all fine and dandy—the recent joint concert at CiRCLE was a huge success and after all the prep work that went behind the scenes, taking a day off to relax was gladly welcomed.

So here she was, taking a slow walk around the shopping district. Maybe she’d go pop into Tsugumi’s family cafe and see if Tsugumi would be available to chat after her shift.

On her way to the cafe, Tomoe passed a narrow alleyway.

_Ah, that’s right._

At the end of the alley was a tiny, secluded courtyard in the corner of the district. It was a quaint little area with a single wooden bench sitting under a solitary cherry blossom tree, facing a flower bed of irises that bloomed beautifully in the spring. The flowers had an almost ethereal glow to them when the sunlight hit them at just the right way.

Tomoe stumbled upon the quad area by chance one day, occasionally visiting it when she needed to clear her head. At some point, she had also taken Saya, Rimi, and Misaki there with her after hearing Misaki needing some help with writing a song.

It had been a while since Tomoe last came there. Since she didn’t have anything else planned, Tomoe decided that she could take a quick break before going to the cafe.

But as Tomoe made her way to end of the alley, her eyes gravitated towards to a familiar figure already seated on the bench.

There was Saya, as lovely as ever, but uncharacteristically staring off in space. She didn’t seem to even notice Tomoe approaching until she tapped on her shoulder.

“Saya?”

The brunette jumped, startled out of her thoughts. She spun around in alarm, only releasing some of her tension when she recognized who was behind her. “T-Tomoe? What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing.” Tomoe frowned. “Are you okay?”

The corner of Saya’s lips automatically quirked into a lighthearted smile but Tomoe wasn’t fooled by the way Saya’s hand reached up to nervously rub the back of her neck. “I… I’m alright; everything’s okay. I was just on a break from my shift and happened to end up here while I was thinking about a few things… and oh!—um, here, you wanted to sit here right? I should probably get going—”

Tomoe quickly grabbed her wrist when Saya motioned to stand, stopping her. “No, wait. Saya.” Tomoe took a seat beside her, gently guiding the brunette back down next to her. The wooden bench creaked under their weight as they both settled in. There was obviously something that was bothering her by the way Saya was still diverting her eyes away from Tomoe. “Something did happen, huh? What’s wrong?”

Maybe Tomoe was being too forceful; Saya probably didn’t even want to talk to her about it.

But she knew that this might be the only chance that she would get to ask. If she were to let go her of now, then Saya would just bottle it all up like she always did, and it would only hurt herself when that bottle finally spilled.

Tomoe was painfully aware of how she couldn’t help her back then, when Saya was still silently struggling by herself. She said that she was always going to be there for Saya, so now was the time to live up to that.

A beat passed. Finally, Saya relented under Tomoe’s gaze and let out a deep sigh. “It’s really nothing that bad. I was just thinking about the band, that’s all.”

“Did something happen between you and PoPiPa?”

Saya shook her head. “Not… exactly, no. No. It’s probably just me.”

“But?”

She pursed her lip into a thin line, hesitation still holding her back.

“Saya.” Tomoe repeated softly. “It’s all right. I’m here for you, okay? Right here. Tell me what’s going on.”   

That was the final push that Saya needed.

Saya breathed out shakily, her composure cracking faster than Tomoe anticipated. She must have walked in on her at a really bad time. “I… Well, I’m sure you remember how O-Tae was out practicing with her friend from another band.”

Tomoe nodded, distinctly remembering how Roselia was forced to take Poppin’ Party’s place during the joint cultural festival not too long ago. She was also very aware with how Tae was almost snatched up by the other band. “Yeah. I remember that. They didn’t… They’re not bothering you again, are they?”

“No, no.” Saya shook her head. “O-Tae made her decision to stay with PoPiPa and we haven’t run into trouble since. Everything’s all cool with them, don’t worry.”

“Then… are you still upset with Tae-san?”

Saya’s eyes turned downcast. “O-Tae didn’t do anything wrong. Sure, she can be a little bit a of space cadet, but she’s never done anything to intentionally hurt any of us. We all gave her our blessings to go help out her friend.” Her body tensed up with an air of resigned acceptance. “Then she started skipping more and more PoPiPa practices. But O-Tae already made a commitment to them, so it couldn’t be helped, right?

There was a knot forming at the bottom of Tomoe’s stomach because she knew where this was going. Saya bit her bottom lip to reign in the quivers and Tomoe had to resist the almost overwhelming urge to pull her into tight embrace to stop it herself.

All she could do for now was to grit her teeth and allow Saya to continue.

“We all know that O-Tae is really talented. She’s like a different person when she’s onstage! So I wasn’t really surprised when she was scouted by RAS. But Kasumi, Arisa, and Rimi-rin was pretty upset about it, even if they tried to not let O-Tae notice. And maybe I was mistaken, but I started to think that maybe O-Tae was actually really considering it too.”

Saya started wringing wrist anxiously. “PoPiPa is a great band and I love them all to bits; Kasumi’s energy is so infectious, Rimi-rin is so sweet, and Arisa is pretty good at keeping the down the fort and making sure that everyone stays on track. Meanwhile, here I am, working at the shop and looking after Sana and Jun. I even was out of practice with my drums for almost a year before I joined the band! It took me awhile just to get used to performing again. Even now, it still doesn’t feel like I’m practicing enough. Then, I start thinking... That, sometimes, I think I might be… holding everyone back—”

“No, of course not!” Tomoe said fiercely. “There’s no way that _anyone_ thinks that! I know how hard you work and you’re one of the best drummers that I ever heard! You oughta to give yourself more credit! You’re amazing, Saya!”

Saya blinked at Tomoe’s outburst before she let out a humorless chuckle, with a small smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Y-yeah… Thanks, Tomoe.” She wiped her glistening eyes with the back of her hands. “Wow, I’m…. I’m just a mess today.”

Tomoe frowned at Saya’s reluctance. “I… don’t know all the details with what happened between you guys,” Tomoe said after a beat, “and I won’t make any judgments on what was right or what was wrong. But! I know for a fact that it’s still hurting you.” She quietly slipped her hand into Saya’s, gently giving it a squeeze in reassurance, and exhaled slowly in relief when Saya returned the gesture with a squeeze of her own.

Saya sniffled. “Mhmm.”

“I told you that I’ll be there for you, yeah? If there’s anything that’s on your mind or stuff that you need help with, know I’ll do whatever I can for you.”

“I know,” Saya nodded. “And I don’t think I ever tell you enough how grateful I am to hear that from you, Tomoe.”

Tomoe could feel that there was something that was still being left unsaid. “There’s more, isn’t there?”

Saya let out a long, tired sigh. “It’s just whenever I think about all the things that happened, it reminds me o-of...”

“Of?”

Saya suddenly flinched, as if something fragile inside of her shattered like glass. “Of… CHiSPA, and when my mom was sick and how I-I couldn’t—” Saya started choking up and it ripped Tomoe’s heart to shreds. But as painful as it was for Tomoe to watch, she knew how important it was for Saya to let it all out. Just a little bit more.

“Saya,” Tomoe whispered in a voice heavy with emotion, silently urging her continue. And yet, Tomoe couldn’t find the next words to say next. Her chest tightened painfully at her own frustration for being unable to comfort the girl next to her. She knew exactly what to do if it were anyone in Afterglow. Sure, she would occasionally trip up if it were Ako, but she always managed to find a way to work it out in the end. So couldn’t she do the same for Saya right now?

Saya’s body gave out with shudder, unable to hold back her sobs any longer. And Tomoe knew that if there was something that she was really good at, it would be having her actions speak louder than any words that she could think of to say. So Tomoe finally gave into the urge to desperately pull Saya close, hoping that it would be enough to convey everything that she couldn’t put into words.

Saya’s entire frame was shaking. “I didn’t—didn’t know w-what to, to do!” Saya managed out between her sobs and Tomoe held her even closer still.

“It’s okay,” Tomoe whispered. And she understood.

“It felt like that was n-nothing I could do, then everyone got into a fight, a-and—!”

Understood full-heartedly what the other girl was going through. Tomoe was in the same position that Saya was in, as an older sister herself and as also the one that held her band together, and the nearly _crushing_ pressure that came with it. There were just so many people relying on her, so many responsibilities that she had to carry. And she understood how much harder it was for Saya to keep herself from crumbling from the weight of it.

Saya was simply too kind for her own good. She didn’t have the heart to refuse anyone that asked for help. She was just too selfless.

Tomoe thought back to that day when she talked to Saya’s mother and how right she was.

Saya was so loving and kind to everybody around her but never left enough to spare for herself.

Tomoe stroked Saya’s chestnut hair, running her fingers through them again and again, her other hand rubbing circles on her back. “It’s okay,” she repeated, “I know.”

To Tomoe’s relief, it seemed to work. Saya’s breathing was slowly returning to normal and the tremors that wracked her body was gradually subsiding.

It was only until Saya’s shaking had stopped that Tomoe loosened her hold. Reluctantly, she pulled away from the brunette, ignoring the sharp pang of regret as she did so, to get a better look at her. Gathering a little bit of courage, Tomoe slid her hand into Saya’s again as a gesture of reassurance, feeling a familiar warmth unfurling within her when Saya intertwined their fingers together in kind.

“Are you alright?” Tomoe asked, tucking a stray lock of Saya’s hair behind her ear.

“Yes, I, um, thank you.” Saya exhaled heavily. “I… didn’t mean to dump all that on you. It must’ve been unsightly and—oh, your shirt,” she gestured to the spot that was wet from her tears. She tried to pull out a handkerchief from her pocket to dry it off before Tomoe stopped her.

“It’s fine,” Tomoe waved it off good-naturedly. “It’s pretty warm out anyway. It’ll dry up fast. Don’t worry about it.”

Saya nodded. She glanced up, catching Tomoe’s gaze.

There was something in the air that was charged with something indescribable. Then Saya’s face breaks into a grin, full of tenderness and sincerity, that it felt as though Tomoe had her breath knocked out of her.

God, she was beautiful.

“Thank you, Tomoe.”

So much so that the realization hit Tomoe like a bus and it took her entire being not to blurt it aloud.

“...Yeah,” was all that Tomoe could manage. She relaxed, returning the smile with her own. “Anytime, Saya.”

They fell into a comfortable silence, save for Saya’s soft sniffles. It was as if time had slowed and they were the ones left in the world. Which Tomoe supposed to be true, in this small, secluded corner of theirs. Right now, it was just Tomoe and Saya, and Tomoe was quite fine with that.

Now that she thought about it, it had been a while since she was able to spend time alone like this with Saya. Usually, they were accompanied with their respective bands to discuss things in CiRCLE. There were a couple of times that they managed to find the time to hang out, like at the mall or grab a quick bite to eat, but it was never for very long. Even her visits to the bakery had been short-lived—whether Tomoe was there by herself just to pick up something quick or accompanied by Moca for her daily bread fixes. And it’s nice to finally be able to alone with—

Saya broke Tomoe’s train of thought with a light squeeze of her hand, doing things to Tomoe’s heart that just couldn’t be healthy. Saya, seemingly completely oblivious to Tomoe’s internal panicking, took it a step further and leaned her head onto the taller girl’s shoulder, close enough that her hair tickled Tomoe’s exposed neck. “S-Saya?”

“Wait,” Saya’s voice was still slightly raspy and Tomoe swore that she could see tips of Saya’s ears redden, “is it okay if we can stay like for a little bit?”

Tomoe swallowed thickly, thankful that Saya wasn’t be able to see her flaming face from their current position, “Yeah, of course! I’ll stay here with you as long as you need me too.”

Saya hummed in acknowledgement and Tomoe could feel the vibrations of her throat from their proximity. Tomoe’s heart felt like it was about to beat out of her ribcage with how hard it was pounding. What if Saya could feel her thunderous pulse and freak out—god, she needs to calm down!

Tomoe breathed as deep as she could without disturbing Saya, trying to ease her muscles to relax.

With Saya curled up so close to her side, all the thoughts that were swirling inside her were dangerously welling up to the surface. Despite her best efforts, Tomoe could feel her pulse quickening again.

It would be another few minutes before Saya would speak up. “Y’know,” Saya started and it took all of Tomoe’s willpower not to focus on how Saya’s thumb was slowly sliding across her knuckles, “maybe it’s just me, but I’ve been noticing that you’ve been visiting the shop more often.”

“A-ah, have you?” Tomoe stammered out.

She was hoping that Saya wouldn’t had notice. Then again, maybe it was pretty obvious in hindsight. Tomoe wasn’t really good at the art of subtlety in the first place. It probably seemed a little strange that she suddenly started to show up at the bakery so frequently. Maybe even a little creepy. “I guess, um. Is it… inconvenient? I didn’t mean to bother you.”

“No, not at all,” Saya said. “I actually really enjoy having you come by more often, and I appreciate that you would take the extra effort to come see me. But…”

“Yeah?”

“Well, between helping out my family, the band, and the stuff at school, I couldn’t find the time to do the same for you. I know that you’re probably just as busy as I am and—I’m sorry. It must sound like I’m just making up excuses.”

“Nah, don’t worry about it,” Tomoe said gently. “That’s exactly the reason why I started to check up on you more. It’s already hard enough for us to meet up anyway. Besides, someone has to make sure Moca gets enough bread for the day before she throws a fit.” Though she managed to say it calmly, saying it aloud really did put it into perspective. Their lives really had diverged so much that something as simple as trying to even to greet each other in the morning had become into something that they had put in the extra effort to do.

Yet, Tomoe had to restrain the urge to laugh at the fact. They were practically neighbors, known each other for years, and now their bands literally practice at the same place. But they still managed to drift apart. They chose to go to different schools. They were so engrossed with other things that made it harder for them to find chances to chat. And even though Afterglow, Poppin’ Party, and the other bands see each other for joint events and practices all the time, both Tomoe and Saya typically spent most of their time within the respective bands rather than with each other.

They always had been so close, _so_ close, yet so far at the same time.

Saya must have had the same thought. However, unlike Tomoe, she let out a soft chuckle, tinged with a wistfulness that wrenched painfully at Tomoe’s heart. “I suppose that it is true. I really do miss hanging out with you like before,” Saya said. “But I guess, I don’t think I really mind how things are now.”

Tomoe could feel her heart drop her words. So Saya was fine with their distance? It was completely plausible; they had their own set of friends and it wasn’t like they were completely cutting each other out of their schedules.

Before Tomoe could say anything more, Saya continued with another gentle squeeze of her hand. She tilted her head to look at Tomoe in the eyes again, a small smile dancing on her lips. “I mean, it just makes moments like these a little more special, don’t you think?”

A lovely pink blush blossomed on Saya’s cheeks and Tomoe’s stomach flipped. Is she...?

Tomoe awkwardly cleared her throat. It wasn’t good to make assumptions too quickly. Instead, she decided to play it safe, hoping to get another sign. “S-so,” Tomoe almost cringed at her stuttering and tried to recover. “D-do you do stuff like this with other people?” Tomoe gestured to their still intertwined hands.

Saya paused for a second in thought. “With Sana and Jun, usually when we go out together. Ah, and when I’m trying to keep Kasumi still or to stop O-Tae from wandering off. Sometimes with Rimi-rin, because she doesn’t mind it. Arisa doesn’t really need it, per se, but she is pretty fun to tease,” she answered easily.

“That... makes sense.”

“Mhmm.” Then with a gentle smile that threatened to make Tomoe melt, Saya added, “But _this_? This is something a little more different for you, Tomoe.”

“‘Different’, huh?”

“It’s one way to put it. Unless you don’t want it to be.”

“Does that mean… _this_ is exclusive to only me?”

Saya giggled. “That’s another way to put it too, I suppose.”

Was…

Was this really the same girl that was just crying into her chest minutes ago?!

Saya was so smooth. She was just way too good, that it put Tomoe to shame. Geez, and Tomoe thought she was the charming one. If more people saw this side of Saya, then she would definitely have a lot more people flocking after her, if she didn’t have some already.

Saya was always a bit of a tease, perhaps even a little sly. But Saya was always intentional with her words, never malicious. She was way too kind and thoughtful to do anything that may potentially hurt someone else. Her natural emphatic nature also made her pretty sharp too. So if Saya already figured Tomoe’s feelings out, then there was no use trying to hide it any longer.

There was _something_ behind Saya’s words that she wanted Tomoe to catch and whatever it was, Tomoe was going to run with it.

Besides, she needed the chance to reclaim some of her lost pride.

Tomoe untangled her hand from Saya, instantly missing her warmth, but no, this was important and Saya deserved to hear it properly. Mustering all the courage that she was stockpiling just for this moment, Tomoe put her hands on Saya’s shoulders to look at her directly.

“Tomoe?”

Tomoe paused, throat unusually dry. It was going to be harder than she expected. Tomoe drew in a breath to steady herself. “S-Saya,” she began, removing her hands off of Saya’s shoulders to hold her hands again, making sure that she was locking eyes with Saya’s all the while, “do you know why I started to see you more often recently?”

“Honestly… I gave it some thought. But I figured that if it was something important, then you would come talk to me directly about it eventually.”

_Ah._

There it was.

So maybe she did know. Guess Saya was bound to figure it out at some time. She must have caught on that Tomoe was hiding something from her. Which was true; Tomoe was hiding quite a bit.

Ran told her that there was no time like the present. And she was right, Tomoe decided, mentally steeling herself. There was no use in backing down now. Himari and Moca wouldn’t let her live it down otherwise.

“A long while back,” Tomoe ventured, searching for the right words. But then again, if she was really serious about this, then the only right words would be the truth. “Your mom, uh, she told me about a little bit about you and CHiSPA.”

Saya’s eyebrows shot up in response. She became slightly flustered, immediately breaking eye contact. “O-oh. Did she? Now that I think about it, I don’t think ever told you the whole story behind all that.” Her face began to burn from the realization, “I-I’m sorry I—”

“No, wait. Saya, please look at me,” Tomoe quickly interjected. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. Look, I know that was a private issue and I don’t want to pry if you don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Tomoe, I—”

“Hey,” Tomoe said as gently as she could, tugging on their joined hands to reclaim Saya’s attention, “Saya, c’mon, look at me. Please? Let me finish.”

The hesitation was evident in Saya’s eyes and her lips were drawn in a tight line, as if she was desperately trying to hold herself together, the words dancing on the tip of tongue but left unbidden. It was a side of Saya that Tomoe couldn’t even remember seeing before. Saya was always so calm and composed that it was strange to see her so vulnerable, so uncertain. But Tomoe’s coaxing seemed to work and Saya nodded her head silently to allow Tomoe to continue.

Originally, Tomoe wanted to pace herself so she wouldn’t seem like a fumbling mess but as soon as the words started fall out her mouth, everything came rushing out like water from a collapsed dam. “That day, I realized something. We used to be so close, with everyone from the shopping district. But somehow, we— _us_ —we grew so far apart without us noticing it happening. A-and I know how you are, Saya. You’re always doing so much, sacrificing so much ‘cause you’re always putting everyone else ahead of yourself.”

Saya’s eyes were shining and Tomoe could feel small tremors coming from Saya’s hands. “T-Tomoe, hold on. I c-can’t—”

“J-Just little more, okay? I want you to hear this.” Tomoe’s voice was wavering at this point but she already had came this far so there was no way she was going to stop now. “After all that, I thought that I could just, u-uh, be there for you, y’know? And, um, you already have your family and your band, but I-I just wanted to let you know that I would always be there for you too, just in case. That’s why I started to swing by the shop more! I wanted to make sure that you were doing okay! B-but somewhere along the lines, I-I started to think about something else. That, uh, I wanted to become something else to you.”

Saya’s face was flushed a deep red, the tears threatening to fall again from her shimmering brilliant blue eyes. Tomoe exhaled shakily, trying to blink away her own tears that were welling up. She needed to look at her directly for this. To tell her properly.

“Saya,” Tomoe breathed, the adrenaline from the rush of all the emotions surging inside her spiking. “What I’m trying to say is that I like you, Saya!” Tomoe said with as much conviction and passion that she could muster to hammer it home. “Everything about you! So much, that it’s driving me insane! You’re all I think about these days, didya know that? There’s so much about you that I admire! I like you, Saya. I like you!”

By the end of her declaration, Tomoe was left out of breath.

That was it. She finally gone and done it.

There was heavy silence hanging in the air. Saya had lowered her head once her tears that she was holding back started to fall so Tomoe couldn’t clearly read her expression. And Tomoe expected that. It was a lot, for the both of them.

Tomoe unclasped their joined hands and brought them up to cup Saya’s face, using her thumbs to wipe away the tears that were running down her cheeks.

But the longer that the silence was being drawn out, the more Tomoe could feel the dread gnawing at her. Maybe it was little _too_ much for Saya. She just had an emotional breakdown right in front of her. So wouldn’t this count as taking advantage of Saya while she was still emotionally vulnerable?

What—what if Tomoe just made a huge mistake?

Tomoe desperately began to backpedal, pulling her hands away from Saya like she was burned. “I, um, w-well. I just—I mean… Look, y-you don’t have to say anything!”

“...Tomoe.”

“I-I, u-uh, didn’t want to make this awkward. Um, alright, okay. Okay! You don’t have to answer, if you don’t want to—”

“Tomoe!”

Saya lifted her hands to Tomoe’s jaw, forcing her to attention. Saya’s blush had become blotchy and her eyes were puffy, but she was smiling at Tomoe with so much joy and affection that it melted away the fear that gripped Tomoe’s heart. “Now, I need you to listen to me. S-so give me a sec, a-alright?”

Tomoe sucked in a breath in anticipation, and oh, damn, now she was the one trembling.

“Tomoe, I… I, yes. I-I feel the same way,” Saya managed between her sniffles. Her hand reached out for Tomoe’s again and she met her halfway. “A-and I think I known for a while now too.”

“You… have?”

“Let’s just say that the art of subtlety isn’t your best skill, Tomoe.”

Tomoe let out an awkward laugh, scratching her cheek with her free hand sheepishly. “Guess I was kinda obvious, huh?”

Saya almost pulled away, expression dropping like a stone. “But… are you sure about this?”

“About what?”

Her voice took on a rueful tone. “I can’t make any promises with… us. You know what happened with CHiSPA and with PoPiPa. If something were to happen—to my mom or dad, Sana and Jun, Kasumi and the others—and if I had to choose between any of them and you… I don’t know if I’d have the heart to.”

“I said that I’d always be here for you, right? I meant that,” Tomoe said softly. “Seriously and honestly. I don’t want you to ever feel like you have to take on everything by yourself anymore.”

“But what about Ako and Afterglow? And there’s so many other people that rely on you,” Saya said.

Unsure on what to say next, Tomoe fell quiet.

“I can’t keep imposing on you whenever I run into problems when you have things to take of too.”

Then it all clicked into place.

The words that Saya’s mother had so gingerly spoken to her all that time ago flickered in Tomoe’s head again. How Saya gave so much of herself that she didn't leave any of that kindness behind for herself. The real weight behind those words hit Tomoe hard like she was punched right in the gut, so much so that it made her eyes water.

Maybe the real reason why she felt like was drifting away from Saya wasn’t just because of how busy they were. Maybe it was a consequence of Saya’s own kindness.

And maybe Tomoe equally at fault because she never saw it coming.

Tomoe painfully swallowed the large lump that formed in her throat. “You... might be right. I couldn’t bear to choose between you, Ako, or Afterglow. Even if I wanted to make everyone happy, I don’t think I’d be able to keep it up for too long.”

“Yeah.” Saya’s expression was unreadable. Her only response was gripping Tomoe’s hand even tighter, as if she was afraid to let go. Finally, she let out a shaky breath, eyes distant. “It’s… not an easy thing to do.”

Was this how it was going to end? After all that?

…

...

...No.

Not like this.

Tomoe shook her head. “Look, I know I might not be the best person to ask you this. This is gonna sound really selfish of me, but I want you to be selfish for once too, alright?” Tomoe looked down at Saya, who was, to her surprise, already looking up at her in anticipation, lips pursed in a hard, thin line.

There was still a chance for them to go back, back to how things were. Being friends that seldom had the time to see each other, beyond a simple greeting in the morning or whenever it was convenient for them to be in the same place at the same time. But what comes after that?

Would things stay like this forever? Would their relationship even return to how things were prior to today? What about when they graduate from high school? Would they even get to attend the same university? How often would they have the chance to contact each other if they were living in separate cities?

What then?

Suddenly, Tomoe realized, that this was no longer simply about her trying to confess her feelings.

“Saya,” Tomoe started, mulling over what to say next. “I… won’t force you to do anything that you’re not comfortable with. And I don’t want you to agree to anything just because you want to try to make me happy, if not it’s gonna make you happy. So instead, lemme make a promise to you first. Then I want you to decide what you wanna do, okay?”

“What is it?” Saya asked tentatively.

“If this isn’t what you want, tell me. Say the word and we can pretend like this never happened, so things don’t get awkward between us.” The pain and distress that twisted at Saya’s face very nearly broke her, but Tomoe pressed on. “But if this is something that you, and only you, really want, then I promise that I will do whatever it takes to make you happy. I never want you to feel like you have to choose between the people you love ever again. I promise to stand by you, no matter what. I promise that you’ll never have to things alone again. We’ll do it all, together. You _deserve_ to be happy, Saya.”

Saya shook her head. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not. I’m doing this ‘cause I want to. I like you, Saya,” Tomoe whispered fiercely, looking at Saya square in the face, her gaze fiery, intense. “I want to be with you, if you’ll have me.”

Saya inhaled sharply, shutting her eyes.

 _One more time,_ Tomoe conceded internally.

If this wasn’t what Saya wanted, then that would be it.

“Saya,” Tomoe tried again, lessening her gaze. “What… do _you_ want?”

A beat of silence passed. Finally, after seemed like an eternity, Saya slowly opened her eyes, meeting Tomoe’s gaze with her one of her own, level and resolute.

“I… want this, too” she admitted. “I really do. I like you too, Tomoe.”

“Really?”

“I do.” Saya repeated.

“Then… Is this what you want?”

There was a newfound conviction that shined in her eyes. “I want this… I want to be with you, Tomoe.” Saya repeated, a little louder this time, her voice growing in resolve. “I-I really do. This is what I want. I want this. But if you’re going to make all those promises to me, then I want to do something for you too.”

They had been gradually leaning towards each other with each new admission. Now, their faces were barely inches away, eyes locked.

“I thought I was getting better at being honest with myself after I joined PoPiPa. Now I know that I still have a long way to go. I-It’s not something that comes easily to me. But if it’s with you, I think I can become better at it. I… want to be with you too, Tomoe. A-and I promise that I’ll do my best to show you every day how much I appreciate you. I promise to support you, no matter what comes our way. Because… there’s nothing that I want more than being with you—together.”

An impossibly large grin split Tomoe’s face and the feeling within her swelled so much that she felt like she was going to burst when she saw Saya do the same.

“Saya. Saya!” Tomoe repeated fervently, unable to find the words to describe her feelings right now because Saya had said yes!  

Without thinking, she pressed her lips to Saya’s forehead, lingering for a moment longer than intended. She pulled back, trying to calm herself down a little, but finding it extremely hard to do so with her heart smashing against her ribcage.

Saya tugged her back down by front of Tomoe’s jacket to kiss her cheek. She peppered light kisses on the tip of Tomoe’s nose, under her jaw, to her nape of her neck, whispers of unbridled affection ghosting her skin. “Tomoe. I like you, Tomoe. I like you so much.”

There was a fire flaring up within Tomoe’s chest each time she heard her name rolling off Saya’s tongue, sending lightning coursing up and down her spine. Out of an impulse born from her overwhelming warmth blossoming in her chest, Tomoe nudged Saya’s chin up to press their lips together. When Saya hummed into the kiss, Tomoe took the chance to slip her hands behind Saya’s back, tentatively pulling her in closer. In response, Saya trailed her hands up to encircle her arms around Tomoe’s neck.

They broke away after a moment, breathless. Finally, her head kicked back into gear to provide her a moment of clarity. “Sorry,” Tomoe murmured unapologetically. “Was that… too fast?”

“No,” Saya leaned in again, fingers moving up to brush Tomoe’s bangs, “Not at all.”  

Then they kissed again, and once more for good measure.

“You’re amazing,” Tomoe breathed, her head full of nothing of love for the girl next to her.

Saya kissed her cheek again. “Mhmm. And you’re everything that I could’ve asked for.”

God, if Saya kept this up, Tomoe was sure that she really would go insane with how easily addicted she was becoming to her touches.

Saya tucked her chin into Tomoe’s shoulder, content to bask in the comforting presence of each other. Tomoe kissed the top of her head again, grinning to herself when Saya let out a pleased giggle.

A serene silence wrapped around them like blanket, save of the soft rustle of the leaves. Compared to the hustle and bustle of school and the shopping district, having a place like this to relax and feel comfortable enough to open up without fears of anyone listening, was a nice change of pace.  

Saya must have been thinking the same thing—Tomoe briefly fancied the thought of how nice it was to be on the same wavelength with her—because she took the words right out of Tomoe’s mouth. “You know, I was just thinking. If we ever wanted to meet up or want some time to ourselves, how about making this spot our little rendezvous spot?”

“‘Rendezvous’, huh?” Sounds scandalous.”

Saya swatted her arm. “You know what I mean!” Then with a teasing lilt to her voice, she added, “But if there was something else that you had mind, maybe I’ll consider it.”

Tomoe could her face flush red from neck to hairline at the insinuations.

Saya laughed, bright and airy, turning her head away in a poor attempt to stifle them. Her laugh was infectious, and it didn’t take long for it catch on to Tomoe, laughing just as heartily as Saya.

Both looked at each other in the eye, sharing wide grins. Saya twirled a lock of Tomoe’s hair with her finger, her giggles subsiding. She gave Tomoe a playful tap on her knee before she moved to stand up from the bench, with Tomoe following in suit to wrap her arms around Saya’s waist.

Saya leaned forward to kiss the underside of Tomoe’s chin. “Guess it’s about time that I head back to the bakery.”

“Mhmm. Already?” Tomoe replied lazily, hands tapping a slow beat on the curve of Saya’s hips. “Were you working today?”

“Oh, no. I actually had finished up earlier. Mom practically shooed me out of the shop because she wanted me to go out to take a break. That’s when I decided to come here to help clear my head. But I still need to go back to look after Sana and Jun.”

Tomoe made a mental note to thank Saya’s mom later. “I’m glad that she did then.”

Saya’s expression softened, gazing fondly at her. “Yeah. Me too.”

* * *

They took their time walking back towards the shopping district. As Hazawa Cafe slowly came into view, Tomoe vaguely remembered that band practice with Afterglow was cancelled for the day. As much as she would love to break the news to them as soon as possible, she’d have to wrangle them together to tell them in person. Which really wasn’t that hard to begin with; Tomoe knew that they would drop everything that were doing at a drop of a hat regardless.

Tomoe smiled to herself at the thought.

Saya let out a short chuckle. “I think I can guess what you’re thinking about right now.”

“Oh?” Tomoe flashed her a grin. “Do you now?”

There was a split-second where Saya’s attention was caught by something in distance that had her cocking her eyebrows in mild surprise. But before Tomoe could follow her gaze, Saya lightly tugged on Tomoe’s collar to keep her attention. Then she gave her wink, stepping in close to wrap her arms around Tomoe’s neck. The feeling was new, exhilarating, and sent Tomoe’s nerves into an excited frenzy. “I’m betting that once Moca hears the news, she’ll be ecstatic.”

Tomoe had already looped her arms around Saya’s waist, nearly losing herself in the moment until Moca’s name was brought up. “Yeah, I guess she—wait, you knew?!”

From the tilt of her head, Tomoe figured she already knew the answer to that. “Well, Moca isn’t very good at being subtle either.”

Tomoe groaned, half in jest and half at the realization that she would have to face the little gremlin’s relentless teasing at some point. “Guess you’re right about that too.”

Saya chuckled, leaning forward to peck Tomoe on the lips. “Fortunately, I actually really like that side of you too, Tomoe,” she whispered, voice low and teetering on the edge of sultry.

It was like something inside her ignited. Spurred on by a possessiveness that she never knew existed within her, Tomoe pulled Saya in close for a kiss, finding an immense sense of satisfaction at the soft, breathless gasp that escaped her lips in her surprise.

When Tomoe broke the kiss, heart thrumming erratically like she had just finished a marathon, she stopped for a moment to focus on the emotions still raging behind Saya’s half-lidded eyes. Emotions, that Tomoe knew was burning just as ardently in her own.

They drew away from each other, enough for Saya to still have her fingers playing with the front of Tomoe’s jacket and for Tomoe’s to rest on Saya’s hips.

“I’ll call you later tonight? After I make sure Jun and Sana go to bed,” Saya offered tentatively.

“Yeah,” Tomoe murmured back, taking Saya’s hand to brush her lips on her knuckles.

They stood in silence for a few moments until Saya took a steadying breath. “Thanks again, Tomoe. For always looking after me,” she smiled.

Tomoe returned her smile with one of her own. “Always.”

They held each other for one last lingering moment before Saya turned around to head back in the direction of the bakery.

It wasn’t until Saya was out of sight that Tomoe finally landed back down to earth from her cloud nine. She exhaled loudly, grinning so widely that her face hurt. Heart still pounding and her head buzzing with excitement, Tomoe spun on her heel, hoping that Ako would already be back home so she can tell her the news.

Then something strangely familiar caught her attention from her peripherals, a short distance away.

There, inside Hazawa Cafe and pressed way too close to the window to even seem comfortable, was Ran and the others. Tsugumi’s face was alight with a bright red, incredibly flustered. Himari looked like she was squealing loudly, vigorously shaking Tsugumi by the shoulders. Moca offered Tomoe a knowing smirk and a thumbs-up, mouthing something to Ran, who sat frozen in her seat and staring back at Tomoe wide-eyed, blushing even more furiously as Moca whispered into her ear.

Tomoe felt herself flush from head to toe, instantly figuring out Saya’s little antics.

When she saw Himari gestured frantically like mad at her to join them inside, all Tomoe could do was to let out a small, amused sigh.

Well, at least it saved her the trouble of finding the right time to tell them.

**Author's Note:**

> The part about Tomoe finding a secret area near the shopping the district actually comes from a translated mini-story from a Dengeki G article! I thought it was just so perfect to use as a setting that it eventually snowballed into this.


End file.
